Put in My Place

Is it just me, or do you approach anxiety when you feel time running away from you? Is this just a woman thing or a human thing? I often have to remind myself to chill when I start to give way to frenzy in my full awareness of ALL that MUST get done. Oh geez, chile.

One evening just last week, I told my husband that I physically felt I was wound too tightly ... I felt like one of those wind up toys that someone had just wound, making it ready to hit any surface and run. But the thing was it was evening and the work day had already passed. I was actually supposed to be chillin' with my husband, but I remember lying down on the bed to relax, and my mind was still racing, coupled by my head feeling as tight and as tense as ever.

Hubby actually ended up unloading some eye opening information on me, and after he left the room, I cried my eyes out. He pretty much told me about how I'm so Busy Betty about everything but the stuff I don't want to do. He told me that some of what I'm busy doing shouldn't take as much priority as I'm giving it. He told me about how our family takes a back seat to some of these other priorities much of the time. He told me of how I neglect to pay attention to some of the things he says and that I end up doing the opposite more than not ... hard stuff to hear, I tell ya. I ain't feel good at all when he was finished, and I was frustrated that his words didn't match up with what I wanted to hear. However, I've noticed that we're stronger for it.

Since that "session", I've tried to be more intentional about doing for my family and home BEFORE I do for my job and our new business. I'm trying to be a more effective listener to him and my children, purposing to silence distractions while they're talking ... not mentally planning out my next few minutes, days, or hours but for real being in the moment with them -- being present. This goes right along with one of my previous posts in honor of what Wynter Pitts' unexpected passing is teaching me.

I don't want to rely on learning on a curve. I want to take counsel, apply it, and see the fruit of my application. As I tend to be a person of action, I don't like to wait until tomorrow to do what I have the time to do today. However, I am learning, as a maturing child of God, that there is a line drawn between frantic activity and responsible productivity. If I'm not wise, I easily slip and slide, teetering back and forth between the two. 

But ...

Where can I go from Your Spirit? Or where can I flee from Your presence? If I ascend into heaven, You are there; If I make my bed in hell, behold, You are there. If I take the wings of the morning, And dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, Even there Your hand shall lead me, And Your right hand shall hold me.

Psalm 139 says it well ... regardless of what goes on in my life, my God is with me. Not only is He with and for me, but He is IN me, putting in my heart the desires He knows I should have. So, what's the point of being an agitated, frantic wreck? 

He's made me productive, this I know. And I will not allow life to dictate to me what my priorities should be. My Lord does this, and I'm so thankful to my husband for being His mouthpiece that night of the hard talk. I don't mind being reminded of my place because if I play my cards right, I won't frustrate the grace of a God who chooses to speak to me through others.

#Placement #ChinCheck #Anxious #Put